- READ THE QURAN
Last fall a group of Islamic leaders gave you a fancy, ceremonial copy. Aides tell me you haven’t cracked it. Don’t. Send Andy Card out to Politics and Prose (the best bookstore in Washington) and get a paperback edition. Don’t let him get bogged down in the academic dispute over which translation is the most faithful, and don’t be intimidated by the theory that you can only appreciate it if you read it in the original Arabic. You’ve got to get a sense of where 1.2 billion Muslims are coming from, as they used to say. (OK, maybe they didn’t use that phrase in the Deke House, but you know what I mean.)
You once told me that you’d spent a year in a Bible study program, reading a portion of the Old or New Testaments every morning. Well, do the same now for the Quran. But once you’ve started, don’t spout sound bites from it the way Tony Blair did, or carry it around the way he did–like some apple-polishing graduate student. My Muslim friends tell me they were offended: to them, it seemed condescending.
- APOLOGIZE TO YOUR MOM
It wasn’t prudent, as your dad would put it, to make fun of her lack of cooking skills. I know you had Jeb explain to her that you were joking at the Florida town hall. But you have to do it on your own, preferably on “Oprah.” As you have explained many times, if there is a godfather figure in the Bush family, it isn’t George Herbert Walker Bush, it’s Barbara Pierce Bush.
- DON’T READ POLLS
Ignore Karl Rove when he tries to talk numbers with you. You have set a record for continuous weeks of sky-high job and personal approval ratings. Don’t be transfixed by them. They are evanescent, as your dad learned, to his chagrin. They are going to plummet; they always do. Just pursue your agenda and forget the numbers.
- WATCH TOM DASCHLE CAREFULLY
You did a good job last year schmoozing it up with the man who, halfway through 2001, became the Senate leader. Now he is more than that. He has, by brains, guile and default, become Mr. Democrat–and, possibly, your 2004 opponent. He has told friends that he admires your charm and personal skill. The implication: he thinks you can be had on issues and legislation.
This year is shaping up as a contest for control of the Washington agenda between the two of you. This fellow is a lot smarter and ideologically committed than the good old boy Democrats you anesthetized or intimidated back in Austin. There’s no sense telling you that this isn’t personal. It IS personal, or is going to be portrayed that way. But don’t listen to the henchmen who will want you–as they always do–to turn vindictive. This isn’t Austin. And don’t unleash the “oppo” dogs on Daschle. For if you do, and they get caught–as they inevitably will–your enemies will have you exactly where they want you: down in the dirt.
- TALK TO DAD ABOUT CARLYLE
You talk to him almost every day, though you insist it’s rarely about the details of global affairs or the war on terrorism. But that’s not what I’m talking about. You need to talk to him about his role as a greeter and door-opener for the Carlyle Group, the international investment banking firm in Washington–the one that had perfectly upstanding members of the bin Laden family as investors. It’s OK for the likes of former secretary of State Jim Baker to give speeches for Carlyle in places such as London. It won’t do for the former president, whose son now is the world’s war leader. Appearances are important, and you should, in a kindly fashion, or course, suggest that he quit the firm. Maybe he can pick up extra cash on the celebrity golf circuit instead.
- HANDLE HEALTH CARE
You did a good job last year cutting a deal on education reform. This year has to be about health care: a patients bill of rights, coverage for the uninsured, a prescription drug benefit. The Dems will try to play Lucy to your Charlie Brown, jerking the football away every time you get close to attempting a field goal. But you’ve got to get this issue off the table if you can, or make a good faith effort to try. That means telling the business lobbies to get in line if they want to keep a Republican in the White House.
- FIND THE BAD GUYS
This one is out of your hands, but it’s worth making the wish anyway: tell Rummy he’d better find Osama bin Laden and Mullah Omar, or you’ll take away his press-conference privileges.
- BRING BASEBALL TO WASHINGTON
You are not beloved in the capital. The denizens of Washington are merely pacified, temporarily, by your high approval ratings. But there’s one sure way to win their permanent allegiance: use your contacts in Major League Baseball to force Bud Selig to move a team to D.C. That won’t get you a spot on Mount Rushmore, but it might get you a spot in Cooperstown.
